Happy Mothers` Day Everyone!
Few of us today had our own mothers as professional role models or mentors simply because just a select few mothers had high-ranking jobs in the big organizations where we aspired to be. However, they were our mentors in various aspects and in fact in a recent poll I carried out amongst 30 of my colleagues and friends, everyone unanimously agreed that mothers provide the most vital tools every child requires in preparation for the challenges of adulthood. From being able to see through that sweet-talking suitor to providing support and much-needed advise in dealing with your difficult boss, mothers come well equipped.
Mentoring entails providing support and feedback with the aim of clarifying career direction, increasing the ability to perform, developing skills & knowledge and helping to avoid making costly mistakes. Mentoring by a mother has the added advantage of further strengthening an already existing mother-child connection and also offers the child the unique opportunity of asking sensitive questions that they wouldn’t feel comfortable asking anyone else. Mothers are more likely than fathers to serve as mentors to their young adult children. Women in general are more likely than men to mentor anyone, male or female according to a 2010 study.
Naturally, children look up to their parents, taking on the role of a mentor or in other words, a “supporter” to your own child should therefore not be difficult. However, these relationships can be both challenging and rewarding, but also fraught with tension, as children strive for independence and mothers walk the line between giving needed guidance and meddling too much. The key is to avoid imposing your own views and to never pressure your child, bearing in mind that children can think for themselves. For instance, it is better to say “If I were in this situation, I might do this” than to outrightly tell them exactly what to do and how to do it. Mentoring is not about accepting the mentor`s views, it is about the mentee`s ability to make wise decisions using the latter`s views and opinions as a guide.
One challenge for a mother is separating “Am I here to give you hard, cold advice that may open doors for you or am I here for you because you just need a hug today?” Sustaining the relation will mean drawing a line where tough but solid advice stops and emotional support starts. The result is that the mentee may find the mentor too rigid, and may secretly seek a softer “motherly” method. Whereas, having an outsider as mentor may well produce better results even though their style may be more rigid than the mother`s.
Another challenge is that the mentee may perceive the programme as being too tasking or worse as punishment rather than an opportunity. The solution is not to force participation but to gradually integrate them into it. This can be best achieved when assisting the child with school work. Instead of doing it for them, teach them how to do it and when they don`t get it right, show them a better way of doing it next time.
Some people on the other hand would rather get someone they admire to mentor their kids. Relationships between mentors and the parents of children being mentored could become sensitive. Though they sometimes feel jealous of or threatened by mentors, parents need to understand that mentors are not trying to take over their roles. Mentors, in turn, need to respect and support parents' rules and concerns for the children while building their own relationships.
Behind every productive life, there is mentoring, no matter how dysfunctional. Parents have been given that gift. We need to use it wisely. I for one look forward to mentoring my children, I consider it an honour, a privilege and an obligation. There could be nothing more rewarding than supporting them and having them look up to me for guidance.
Few of us today had our own mothers as professional role models or mentors simply because just a select few mothers had high-ranking jobs in the big organizations where we aspired to be. However, they were our mentors in various aspects and in fact in a recent poll I carried out amongst 30 of my colleagues and friends, everyone unanimously agreed that mothers provide the most vital tools every child requires in preparation for the challenges of adulthood. From being able to see through that sweet-talking suitor to providing support and much-needed advise in dealing with your difficult boss, mothers come well equipped.
Mentoring entails providing support and feedback with the aim of clarifying career direction, increasing the ability to perform, developing skills & knowledge and helping to avoid making costly mistakes. Mentoring by a mother has the added advantage of further strengthening an already existing mother-child connection and also offers the child the unique opportunity of asking sensitive questions that they wouldn’t feel comfortable asking anyone else. Mothers are more likely than fathers to serve as mentors to their young adult children. Women in general are more likely than men to mentor anyone, male or female according to a 2010 study.
Naturally, children look up to their parents, taking on the role of a mentor or in other words, a “supporter” to your own child should therefore not be difficult. However, these relationships can be both challenging and rewarding, but also fraught with tension, as children strive for independence and mothers walk the line between giving needed guidance and meddling too much. The key is to avoid imposing your own views and to never pressure your child, bearing in mind that children can think for themselves. For instance, it is better to say “If I were in this situation, I might do this” than to outrightly tell them exactly what to do and how to do it. Mentoring is not about accepting the mentor`s views, it is about the mentee`s ability to make wise decisions using the latter`s views and opinions as a guide.
One challenge for a mother is separating “Am I here to give you hard, cold advice that may open doors for you or am I here for you because you just need a hug today?” Sustaining the relation will mean drawing a line where tough but solid advice stops and emotional support starts. The result is that the mentee may find the mentor too rigid, and may secretly seek a softer “motherly” method. Whereas, having an outsider as mentor may well produce better results even though their style may be more rigid than the mother`s.
Another challenge is that the mentee may perceive the programme as being too tasking or worse as punishment rather than an opportunity. The solution is not to force participation but to gradually integrate them into it. This can be best achieved when assisting the child with school work. Instead of doing it for them, teach them how to do it and when they don`t get it right, show them a better way of doing it next time.
Some people on the other hand would rather get someone they admire to mentor their kids. Relationships between mentors and the parents of children being mentored could become sensitive. Though they sometimes feel jealous of or threatened by mentors, parents need to understand that mentors are not trying to take over their roles. Mentors, in turn, need to respect and support parents' rules and concerns for the children while building their own relationships.
Behind every productive life, there is mentoring, no matter how dysfunctional. Parents have been given that gift. We need to use it wisely. I for one look forward to mentoring my children, I consider it an honour, a privilege and an obligation. There could be nothing more rewarding than supporting them and having them look up to me for guidance.
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