Sunday 31 January 2016

Plenty Plenty Things

Happy New Year! Make dis year bring beta beta things for all of us, amen. I say make I write dis post in our very own language, pidgin English, 100% Naija.

Christmas don come, don go. Between dat time and New Year plenty of us graduate from lekpa to orobo. Me I wan use food take wound myself, I trowey diet for corner! Now, fear no let me climb scale, instead I just jejelly carry myslef go gym. But just ten minutes on top of treadmill, all my body start to shake, my heart be like say he wan relocate from my chest. So from now on na strict dieting o, no more late night suya and indomie. Make I still look presentable before the next major wacking wey go be for Easter.

Day neva break on top of New Year head finish, plenty plenty things don already dey happen. Lassa Fever don show. Nobody dey buy beans and garri again because gofament talk say rat fit don piss inside. How rat no go piss inside wey the warehouse wey dem dey store the food na him be rat headquarters? When be the last time wey dem fumigate the warehouse? Last week, dem say health workers for Lagos come charge enter market, dem come kill over 7,000 rats. Over 7,000! How many come remain? Dat one pass genocide fa. But una well done o, if not for Lassa Fever una no go remember hygeine. Na so when Ebola show everybody behave! Some people nearly use sanitizer take baff. Na strong hand we need.

For where our body still dey pepper us for high price of kerosine plus states wey talk say dem no fit pay N18,000 minimum wage, na him we come hear say Col. Sambo Dasuki carry our money take do sara. Before we fit say wey dem!, some of him co-conspirators don show for court, balance inside wheelchair. Hand neva even touch dem finish dem don dey form sickness. I no blame dem jare, dem guilty until proven innocent. If na me ehn, na full regalia of Plaster of Paris I go wear show for court. Dem go fear fear!

We neva talk dat one finish wey we come hear say three female suicide bombers explode themself, come kill plenty people join. Shuo, die no dey taya una? But I come think the matter well well, how we sure say no be those Chibok girls dem dey force wear bomb so? Me I believe say na dem, if not where Boko Haram wan see girls wey ready wear dress wey dem use bomb take sew? No be say Boko Haram no fit recruit girls o, but why dem go recruit more wey dem get those 300+ Chibok girls already? Chei! One of my friends say all die na die. Na lie o, all die no be die anything! Take goat tie rope, take rope tie goat na the same? Person wey sleep no wake up and person wey lion tear to pieces na the same?

My birthday just pass last week. One of my friends wey be my birthday mate turn 40 years last week. She come dey cry, she say old age don come. I nearly tear am slap! I come tell am say make she choose one...live or die. Na only person wey don die no dey age. Abi you prefer to die ne? We suppose learn how to celebrate life even though plenty plenty things dey happen. Na all the wahala dey even make life interesting sef. Suffering and smiling.
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